You're Not Brené Brown, But You Can Still Shine Onstage!

A couple weeks ago, Netflix added all 9 seasons of the sitcom, "Seinfeld" to their service here in the UK.

I love the show, and I've watched the entire series from beginning to end several times over the years, so it's been fun to see English friends discovering, as they put it, "what all the fuss is about."

One of my all-time favorite lines from Seinfeld's stand up is about public speaking --

"Speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. I found that amazing. Number two is death. Death is number two? This means, that to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy."

- Jerry Seinfeld, "I'm Telling You For The Last Time" (Netflix)

Sadly, it's true.

So I thought I'd take a break from binge-watching season 4 to share a few practical steps you can take to manage your nerves and set yourself up for success. (And by success, I mean relative success; slowing that river of sweat, settling your shaky hands and bringing your heart rate down below, say a hummingbird's.)

Life's about progress, not perfection, right?

​1) Manage your expectations. You’re not Brené Brown.

On an almost weekly basis, clients come to me to punch up their TED talk or presentation, telling me they want a Brené Brown-type speech.

Well, sure. Don’t we all?

But if you’re a data scientist whose last public speaking engagement was a 9th grade book report on “The Scarlet Letter,” a viral speech with 55 million views might not be a totally realistic expectation. Not because you don’t have the potential to be great – you absolutely do. But any skill takes practice, and Brené is a master of her craft. It doesn’t happen overnight​

Setting an unrealistic expectation for your speech means you’ll perceive failure before you even start, and get stuck in the “I can’t do this” loop.

Why do that to yourself?

So, what is a realistic goal that will set you up for success? Aim for a speech that’s informative, engaging and authentic to you.

And here’s a secret – that’s exactly what your audience is hoping you’ll deliver.

2) Prepare. You know that recurring nightmare where it’s finals week and you forgot to study?

Feeling unprepared for a big moment is terrifying. Even your subconscious knows it.

What does preparation mean? It means taking the time to write and polish your speech, AND THEN PRACTICE IT! Read it out loud over and over again. Doesn’t matter if you’re reading it to an empty room. (A few more tips on how to practice your speech here.)

If you’ve ever played sports, why did your coach make you do drills?

Muscle memory and coordination.

No matter how much you’re dreading the big day, knowing you can spout off your speech backwards, forwards, and standing on your head is a massive confidence builder. (And if you are able to deliver it on your head, please send me the video.)

3) Breathe.

A good friend of mine, Susie Wilkins, is a vocal coach who works with people who have anxiety and confidence issues. She’s also a successful singer/songwriter who’s been very open about her own struggles with anxiety. When it comes to nerves and stage fright, she tells students –

“It’s not about getting rid of nerves. You are a human being with a heart and feelings. Nerves are a perfectly natural response. I’d worry if you weren’t nervous. The real key is finding the right tools to manage your nerves.”

- Susie Wilkins, Vocal-Confidence.com

To take the edge off right before showtime, she recommends a breathing exercise called resonant breathing to do for 2-5 minutes, right before delivering your speech.

Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, then breathe out through your mouth for 5 seconds, trying to consciously bring your breath deep into your belly.

​What techniques have you discovered to keep yourself calm during stressful moments?

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🤷‍♀️ Hi, I'm Beth. I Find Life Funny.
🏆 Seven (7) time Emmy-winning tv comedy writer
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